Gone.

And just like that….he’s gone.

The moment finally came.

Yesterday, Chris and Isabela went on their final daddy daughter date. I was doing some light cleaning, and it finally hit me. I thought, “This is actually happening!”

It sucks so bad.

If we were childless, it wouldn’t be so bad. I would miss him, and he would miss me….but somehow, it just wouldn’t be so bad.

I don’t fear being the lone parent for 6 months. I am not looking forward to future possible sick episodes. I pray that Isabela doesn’t get sick for 6 months!

I fear the transition more. Knowing that Isabela will miss her daddy, but will be unable to communicate that with me. Trying to explain this in a way a 2 year can understand, but know that it’s really impossible to do so. Knowing that the next time Isabela sees a man in uniform, she will get so excited, thinking that man might be daddy….

That’s what breaks my heart.

What breaks my heart even more is knowing how hard this will be on Chris. This morning, I vowed to myself that I would be strong….that I would NOT cry until later. But as I watched Chris kiss Isabela goodnight. Not just once, but twice….

I just couldn’t help but shed some tears. For what she does not understand. For what Chris will be going through the next 6 months. For the loss and separation we all will have.

The past several days, none of my blog posts were intended to make anyone feel sorry for us.
The only intention I have has been to vent the overwhelming emotions that have been consuming me.

In return, I have received so many responses offering support, encouragement, and love.
I am SO thankful for each and every person who went out of their way to email me and call me.

We will make it through! We will stay busy and hope that these next 6 months FLY by.

I will definitely be blogging more often, per request from my hubs and for my own sanity.

I still can’t believe he’s gone……day 1.