I can’t sleep. It is around 2 am Friday morning…
I have had about a week of not sleeping well.
That is very unusual for me.
Yesterday, I was mentally beating myself up….for being too opinionated, stubborn,
harsh, direct. I was inwardly attributing all those characteristics of mine to some very specific situations that I could have communicated better through. I was thinking..”Alicia, you’ve had some fail moments lately. How the heck are you gonna fix them?”
Then yesterday evening, my husband and I went to one of our church small groups.
I had been really looking forward to this new semester; our last group was really transformative and really energizing for me. So, we went ( this group is a book study on Francis Chan’s “Crazy Love”), and our Pastor began to lead the discussion…
I can’t remember the exact wording or how we got there, but he begin to speak about this scripture I have heard a bajillion times, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose
And…there it was. It took me 2 seconds to receive what will take me 15 minutes to write!
No matter how many times I mess up, no matter how many mistakes I’ve made (and will continue to make)….
God LOVES me, will continue to love me, has always loved me. God created AND selected me, and still wants to use me for his purpose (God is all-knowing, so He isn’t shocked by anything I do or will do – which is pretty comforting AND revelatory of His “crazy love” for me). And lastly, I don’t have to take on the burden of “fixing” anything on my own. God is with me. Emmanuel. God can and will harness all the bad judgments I’ve made, all the resulting consequences, and he will work them out “for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
Does this mean I can apathetically sit on the sidelines, uncaring, and distant? No. It doesn’t. It just means that God is so GREAT, so perfectly loving, that he allows us to use our free will, allows us to make bad choices, and then gently (and sometimes not so gently) reveals to you the condition(while at the same time, working to redeem that condition).
Do you ever know something…but not REALLY let it sink in? (-:
Anyhow, My husband mentioned this quote: “Good judgement comes from experience. Experience come from bad judgement.” It made me giggle. Because it’s true and because we have all made our share of bad judgements.
But, in closing, this is what I got from yesterday:
– STOP talking. STOP praying. STOP thinking. STOP….
– Contemplate on the holiness of God.
– THINK- let it sink in- about how GREAT God is.
– Reflect on God’s attributes…that He is omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient …holy, set apart, the perfected standard, eternal, infinite…
– Remember this, all this, before I pray.
– Remember that GOD in heaven is worshipped 24/7…”Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come…..”
– Think- let it sink in- about WHO God is…His identity, His attributes.
And…in doing so, we can truly come before the Lord with authenticity, in reverence, and in awe.
The one thing I want….
Is to never stop being shocked.
By who God is.
“You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful of comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp your infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depth of your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty enthroned above
And I stand, I stand in awe of you
I stand, I stand in awe of you
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of you.”
written by Mark Altrogge