How do you LOVE?

wow….its been a tough week. Or two. I’ve been wanting to blog, but I haven’t really been able to sit down and clear my mind for a while. Tonight, I’m choosing to do that over sleep, which I am sure I will regret tomorrow.

The feeling of “deployment” is finally settling in. Its been about 3 weeks, and I’m finally starting to feel exhausted. Single parenting is no fun….its no easy thing!

In the military, I’ve heard people say that “deployments will either make you or break you,” when it comes to marriages. Unfortunately, I’ve had friends whose spouses cheated during their deployments, which eventually led to them divorcing.

And it’s so sad, when things like this happen.

I’m going to say this, and I don’t care if it offends anybody.

IF you have cheated on your spouse, then you are selfish! Shame on you! Cheating is selfish, but mostly cheating is NOT love. And whats more….cheating will break up your family! If you choose to cheat, then you choose to not only leave your wife, but your children….

Cheating is the single, most disgusting, most divisive thing you can to do your family.

I realize that those are some pretty strong thoughts.

But, its hard to be lukewarm on this, because I have a few very close friends who have gone through this. I also have a few not so close friends who have confided in me about this…..

This week Kim Kardashian has been all over the news. You know what for! But, if you have been living under a rock, click here to catch up.

I can’t even imagine how it is for celebrities, who must live such surreal lives. When you have “yes” people all around you, when you are so incredibly rich…..Its no wonder that celebrities always date other celebrities or other rich people. And its no wonder that there are SO many celebrity divorces, when a famous career is typically the first priority.

Anyhow, Kim Kardashian is all over the news, and I am just so glad I’m not her. Even though she has a reality show, no one wants to live their WORST moments on TV. I know I wouldn’t!

And, you know, Kim Kardashian is an incredibly beautiful young woman. She had a fairytale wedding, and dreamed of a “happily ever after.”

And she is NOT the only one out there who dreams of that. How many of us, as little girls, dreamed about what our “knight in shining armor” would look like?

On our wedding days, did we not say our vows and blissfully imagine that we were living our own fairy tale?

And, lastly, how many of us were disheartened….learning that love is not a fairy tale, the knight in shining armor does not exist, and “happily ever after” is not as simple as it sounds?”

Some of you have never really struggled within your marriage. That’s great!

But, most of us will. Whether its financial, personality conflicts, trust….distance, children…..

There are life events that happen that change us. They change our character…and actually, they refine our character.

How many of us ran into an ex, and came away saying, “He/she hasn’t changed at all!” And, you say this in a negative way….

Meanwhile, men always say that they want a woman who never changes!

But we all HAVE to change to become a better person, a better wife or husband, and a better mother or father.

And I will confess, that Chris and I have had our own struggles. The past 1.5 years were incredibly hard on us. We went through A LOT. We are still going through some of the A LOT. We had some of our worst arguments ever….

And I mean arguments where we both wondered, inside and even out loud, if our marriage would survive, with love intact. If we would give up on each other. These were times that were so overwhelming, that it would have been easier to run away than to forgive and rebuild.

Ladies, daughters, friends and sisters! Marriage is not a fairytale because fairy tales do not exist.

Do you know what really exists?

Sacrifice. Forgiveness. Keeping your big mouth shut when its important. Patience. Heartache. Pure, indescribable JOY. Perseverance. Weariness. HOPE.

Out of these characteristics come LOVE. ( Those are just a few characteristics, by the way)

Yes! Real, true, gotta have it, love! Which is actually flexible, actually CAN be broken, and actually is not always romantic.

You see, real love, CAN be disrespected. It CAN be broken. It can be thrown on the ground, break it into a million pieces, turn it to dust, and fly away into the wind.

But it will NEVER disappear. LOVE always finds its way back. Love always heals, and it ALWAYS repairs the wounds of the soul.

Love is the greatest gift we can give one another. It can consume a a raging fire and melt a heart of stone.

It can survive in the most desperate of circumstances.

Love is a constant. Always adapting, yet never changing. Love is not just a desire, but a basic NEED.

Love, it endures.

Who do you love? Better yet, how do you love?

Chris and I aren’t perfect…we can be mean to each other, and we are, at times. We know how to hurt one another – we know each others weak points. We struggle, and thankfully, have been refined by our struggles.

I have taken away a lot from the past 1.5 years. And one idea I have taken is this….

I cannot control a single darn thing. I cannot control what happens to me, what has happened to me or what will happen to me.

So, instead, I will become an author. I will write my story, just the way it is – just the way it happened.

I will NOT quit.

When the past and present is written, I will continue to write.

Because although I cannot control what happens, I CAN control HOW I react.

I can react and survive with indiscriminate grace. I can choose to persevere and to fight for what is mine. I can choose to forgive. I can choose to love myself. I can choose to LIVE. I can choose JOY!

I will write page, after page, after page, of my own love story.

And ultimately, LOVE, will be my reward.

If God is love, and love is of God ( 1 John 4: 7-8 )…then shouldn’t we all take it WAY more seriously. Shouldn’t we actually talk about it? And isn’t our love for our spouses and children a direct reflection of our relationship with GOD?

Ooooh, now that’s kind of scary. More than that…its downright honest AND a whole other blog post.

But seriously, let us allow LOVE into our lives. Let us fill up on love and let love POUR into the lives of others. Because in this way, ALL will reap love’s harvest.

Today, I saw a quote from Misty Edwards, singer, songwriter, musician and member of IHOP (International House of Prayer). She said:

” Love, loves to love, and the reward of love, is love.”

Simply said. Simply true. Powerful. And from that quote, this blog was inspired!